“You won’t believe what my son did today!?!”
“My daughter is driving her mom and I crazy.”
“I am sick of having to spank my son.”
“I just wish my daughter would learn to respect her mother and I!”
“My kids are rotten, how can I get them to behave?”
My Kids Are Rotten
The quotes above are not actually quotes. However, I have seen parents say similar things on Social Media (Facebook) and in real life conversation with others. I often wonder when I see status updates such as these if parents realize what they are doing to their children. I bet they are ignorant. It still saddens me though.
No one expects your son or daughter to be perfect. I understand that it can feel like they need to be perfect, but they are not. They are born sinners (Psalms 51:5).
When you as a parent speak negatively about your child in public, what do you think that conveys to your child? How much you love them? That you are proud of them? No! It communicates in public that you are ashamed of them and your friends get to laugh about their sin.
The Bible’s Perspective
How does the Bible view Children? While there are a lot of different verses, Ephesians 6:1-4 talks about Children honoring their parents. However, it also talks about father’s not provoking them to anger. The heart of the matter is for parents is to be taking care of your children. To love them. To discipline your child(ren).
Discipline in the Bible is always shown as a Parent-Child relationship. Discipline should happen (Proverbs 22:6, 15). Discipline is a family matter. There is no need to make it public. Making it publicly has the potential to humiliate the child.
I do not believe this is the intent, but this is what so often happens. My mom does not like me, etc.
The Lord has orchestrated a family for a purpose. The parents have authority to discipline their children to raise them up in the Lord. This is not a light thing for a parent whatsoever. This is not for everyone to do, but for the parents.
So I ask parents, keep those comments to yourself. They do no good. They are harmful.
Wonder if I Need Help
There may be times you as a parent need to seek counsel from someone else. This is not wrong. A lot of this may be in your intent in why you are wanting to seek counsel. Is it just to gossip or are you unsure what you can do to help your child?
Even when you seek advice from someone else, it should be made clear that you need advice and not to give this person an update on how your child is behaving. This is your job, not theirs! However, you may choose to get advice again and explain how/why their original advice did not work.
What We Have Decided
Christina (My wife) and I decided that we would not post status updates about our children in a negative light. It does not serve its purpose. At best you are complaining, at worst you are gossiping about your own child. So, we hope to never speak poorly about our children.
We do not plan to talk negatively about our child’s sin with others. It is simply not needed. What benefit does it bring?
This may be awkward at times when other parents happen to be speaking negativly about their children and expect us to do the same. Maybe they think it is a way for us to relate with them. We will choose a different way than exposing our child’s sin(s).
The idea behind this is to keep family business inside the family and to properly do our (Christina and I) job as a parent to raise up a child in the way he/she should go.
- Is there anything you would add?
- Do you agree?
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart: This is the single most recommended book I would recommend to new parents or those who hope to be a parent someday.
- Calling Your Child to Repent: A blog about the necessity to call your child to repent. Their heart is what is at stake and what you should address.