As I stood over my wife, who was on the operating table, looking down at her with excitement. Our first child was about to enter the world making us two of the most eager parents in the world.

You see, Christina was exhausted from over 15 hours of laboring.  Our child, Hannah, was not moving to the crowning stage.  We agreed to have a C-Section.

I remember the sweet excitement my wife had when she could hardly breathe when she took the pregnancy test and this time it turned positive. I remember my wife’s face just light up and jumping up and down with her. I remember the planning that all took place 9 months earlier.

So, here I am standing over my wife hugging her and talking to her before the doctor pulls out our child…

Baby Arrives

The doctor pulled out the baby. I was able to announce to Christina (my wife) what gender we just had (baby girl)!  Something did not seem right to me.  Moments later, someone said something like, “Why isn’t she crying.”
I’m trying not to panic.
“She’s not breathing.”
I calmly communicate to my wife who just a few seconds ago was crying with awe and excitement is now crying because of fear.
In my head I am thinking, This is not that unusual. 
 
At the time, I did not hear this, but they yelled over the intercom, “Code White.” An Emergency Nursery team came running in…

Will I be able to Continue

I started to pray in my head. I can hardly speak, but still trying to be the emotional supporter my wife needs and had needed the hours beforehand.
God, please help our baby. Please do not take our baby from us. What will I think if our baby is taken away from us? What will Christina think? Will I be able to continue with life with the death of our first baby girl?  God, please…
 
You are still good [if you take her]. But please give her to us.
 

Theology Matters

In High School, God gave me a desire for Him and to know Him deeply. I would read my Bible, generally at least once a day, and read different theology books to advance my understanding of who God is.
Looking back on my life, I can see how God used my years in High School as a time for me to have a foundation of who God is. I am indebted to many family members (Mom, Dad, Sisters, Uncle, Aunt, Grand Parents, etc). As well as authors whom I have read all who pointed me to God’s sovereign work in all things.
This post is not to elevate me, but to rejoice in how awesome God’s plans are.  Theology does matter. When crisis hits (even if the crisis is short lived), who do we turn to?
Is Jesus enough? Is God still good when things aren’t going good for us?
The only reason I could say “You are still good” when I thought there was a chance of losing my daughter is only because of my understanding of our Creator.
P.S. Our baby is now healthy. We had a scare, but we are thankful baby Hannah is doing well. You can read full post here.

Justin is a husband, father, and a writer. He is passionate about equipping parents, glorifying Jesus, and helping the local church. Justin currently resides in Michigan with his wife and daughter.

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